dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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