I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
