This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
