time to smoke my breakfast
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
