We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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