It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
