I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize