i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
it glows. i had to have it.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
being pregnant is like rehab
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize