My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Randomize
