I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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