Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
