I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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