How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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