would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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