Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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