Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
