Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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