She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
