I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
