Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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