May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
