We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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