Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
