Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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