Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
