he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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