No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize