I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i think i just lost a toe
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
