i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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