How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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