now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
