I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
