:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
