her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
