Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
