i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
