guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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