Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
