I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
