for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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