you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize