Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
