and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
