He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
