I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
