My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
