I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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