I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
