I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
