I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
