I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
