She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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