hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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