haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
