I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
