Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
