Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize