well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
