I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
