there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
