idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
