remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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