I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
