oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
