yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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