thus making me awesome and them whores
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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