Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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