Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
