There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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