I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
oh god the rape fog is back!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
