Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
