You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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