Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Come share oat with me in your robe
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
