So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
