Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Randomize
