That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
