Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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