TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
