I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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