rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
