Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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