May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
