I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
