well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
