this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
