I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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