How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize