We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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