I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
