I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
