laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
