we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
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