I'm really into asian looking animals
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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