btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize