The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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