Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
