My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
