It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
