Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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