Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Plan B is the new Plan A
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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