if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
