the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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