I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Terrible idea I love it
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
