I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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