I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
